A Personal Grief Care Package
Earlier this month, I received the sad news that my dad’s older sister Marj had sprouted wings and flew to heaven, so to speak.
My mind quickly turned to my Uncle Roy who would be feeling her loss the most. For someone hailing from the silent generation, he was far from silent. But I imagine he is at a loss for words these days, but not for grief and sorrow.
I had recently listened to a group of authors discussing their personal grief stories. One of my main takeaways was the understanding that grief is overwhelming in its acute phase and decision making is diminished. You don’t need to ask permission or expect the grieving friend or family member to tell you what they need …just take them what you think they will need.
The first thing that popped into my head was to have some food delivered. He lives in a smaller city in Saskatchewan, and Google did not help me find optimal resources. I moved then to Plan B: a care package made just for Uncle Roy.
Here is what I sent to him:
Kleenex packs: To carry with you because you never know when you need to cry. And it’s okay to cry.
A book about grief and sorrow written by a man: Most grief books are written by women. Hopefully this perspective provides you with some comfort. Cam Taylor once said, “Sometimes you can’t find the words to express how you feel. When that happens, borrow the words of others.”
Large Print Word Find Puzzle Book and a 1000 Piece Puzzle of Vintage Record: To give your hands and mind something else to do. Also reinforces connections between brain cells, improves mental speed, and it's an effective way to improve short term memory.
Labels: They say you often feel like you only have ½ a brain when you are no longer with your better half. Use these labels to identify any drawers or boxes you find which she used more than you. You are not losing your mind though – you are just grieving.
A Notepad and Post-it Notes: For shopping lists and other things you don’t want to forget.
A Notebook: To further support your ½ a brain feeling – you'll need to keep the important things here like where all the labels are. Or maybe you just want to write messages to Marj every day. Or maybe you just want to capture your memories together. Writing reduces stress, improves your immune function, keeps your memory sharp, boosts your mood and strengthens emotional functions.
Artificial Plant: Something to brighten the room you use the most. Water is not required. A little dusting every once in a while is recommended.
Mixed Fruit & Nuts: They say healthy snacks are better for you.
Chocolate: Because chocolate makes everything better. Plus it improves focus, memory and learning. Eat this before you do any puzzles.
The care package has been mailed and hopefully delivered by now. We hope it brings him some comfort.
What else would you include in a care package? I’m curious!
Photo: Tammy Brimner
