The Mindful Introvert
Ellen Langer has me thinking about labels again – in particular, which labels are helpful for me to keep.
We all have them – these labels. Labels that confer our gender, our race, our relationships with others, our education status, our roles, various health conditions, our personality traits (the good and the less helpful), and so on.
I wondered whether I could get away from any labels for myself. How would I think differently about myself?
Let's take the label of "introverted" as an example. (I’ve mentioned this before: https://www.tammybrimner.ca/my-journal/reflecting-on-my-natural-preferences.)
How would you know I'm introverted without me telling you?
I am great at focussing on one topic for hours – particularly if I'm interested in that topic. I do love going down a rabbit hole!
If I am exposed to too much dopamine, stimulating environments, or people, I need downtime alone or with my husband to recharge.
I prefer one-on-one conversations where we can dive deep beneath the surface. This typically requires at least one hour.
I like to sleep on it – “it” being any query, topic, or problem.
If I didn't tell you, would you still know?
I am clearly introverted – but is this label holding me back?
Let’s take a look at what Ellen Langer wrote in The Mindful Body:
“Why, then, do we follow rules, even when they are arbitrary and hold us back? One reason is that much of our behavior is shaped by the labels that we impose on ourselves. In one telling study, social psychologist Russell Fazio and his colleagues asked people questions that led them either to consider ways they were introverted (for example,"when do you find social gathering stressful?") or extroverted ("At what party you attended did you have the most fun?"). [see reference below] Then, they were given a short test known as the introversion–extraversion personality scale. Those who had been asked extraversion–eliciting questions saw themselves as more extroverted while those asked introverted–eliciting questions saw themselves as more introverted. … The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way.”
As I continued to read The Mindful Body, I was struck by how being mindful has been proven to make a difference, even with labels.
When I have blindly accepted the label of introverted, I would predict the overstimulation and plan for my downtime after. What would happen if I didn't predict and plan that? Instead, what would happen if I made a choice to be present and mindful in advance?
There were three events to test that theory.
There was dinner with friends, totalling 8, with lots of conversation and laughter in a busy restaurant setting. I didn’t even look or consider the time until we were walking home past my bedtime. I lasted three hours and I felt calm. I even slept well.
There was a trip to Saskatchewan to visit my mom and my family over a long weekend. Various gatherings, both small and large, required lots of focus. The longer time period afforded me downtime in between those gatherings. I returned home feeling like this was one of the best trips home ever.
There was a special event for sponsors for the RBC Whistler Gran Fondo one evening. The environment was very loud and crowded, and I went in feeling tired from the day. This was a little more challenging in the present, and required more downtime.
The results of my little test? Well, if I can make conscious choices to be present and mindful in advance, I can minimize the stimulation and look less like an introvert. I can’t always control the environment (sometimes I have to be where I am ill-suited), but I can do my best to stay present and mindful.
Perhaps I’ll change my label to the mindful introvert. Adds a little self-fulfilling prophecy to the mix, don’t you think? Or a better prediction!
What labels could you refine with some mindfulness?
Resources
Fazio, Russell H., Edwin A. Effrein, and Victoria J. Falender, “Self-Perceptions Following Social Interaction”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 41, no. 2 (1981):232.
Langer, Ellen. 2024. The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health. New York: Ballantine Group.
Image by Tammy Brimner
