Beyond the struggle
It just looks like he’s sleeping…
I sat in dismay as I reflected on the past few nights which had fallen short of success in my books.
I kept waking up and then struggled to fall back asleep.
And as I wrote this, I quickly saw the problem.
I’m struggling to fall asleep, not letting myself fall asleep.
When I force something to happen, it never works. I can’t force myself nor can I “will” myself to fall back asleep.
What I can do is create an environment and take the steps that support quality sleep – and then turn those steps into healthy habits.
What will that look like? Good question for me to answer right now as I need to regroup.
I will look at what I do right before bedtime, during the day and when I wake up in the middle of the night.
Before bedtime:
I strive to maintain a regular bedtime at 9pm (or around there), and implement a buffer zone starting at 8pm, one hour before. Here is what I do during my buffer zone:
I turn off the TV (or leave the room with the TV on), put my phone on “sleep” and place it somewhere other than in my hand. In short, I’m turning off all those stimulants.
We turn down the room temperature to 68 degrees F, shut the blinds to block out any outside light and dim the inside lights. We’re big fans of dimmers.
We also turn on our Dreamsurf ocean waves which play all night to create some white noise – which we can’t sleep without. Years of living downtown requires something to even out that street noise.
I spend time writing in my journal and being grateful for all the goodness of the day.
The last thing I do is read an “in real life” book until my eyes start to close and I turn out the lights.
I have done some restorative yoga as well as meditations or mindfulness practices in the past and I just started last night to bring back those practices.
During the day:
We invested in the best possible bed and bedding we could afford. In the words of my dear friend Leslie, we spend a good chunk of our lives in bed so we might as well ensure it is as comfortable as it can be.
I limit my caffeine intake to the morning. We’re trying not to drink more than one large cup in the morning, although some days dictate otherwise.
I need to do some physical activity. My Oura app tells me “adding as little as 10 minutes of walking, cycling or other moderate activity” to my daily routine can give me a big energy boost. I’ve been struggling lately so I will work on that.
I need to break up my writer’s life with regular active breaks. It helps when I can spread out household chores throughout the day. It also helps when my husband says let’s go play some pickleball or go for a bike ride. He’s a good catalyst.
I need to eat well throughout the day, but not too much at my evening meal to ensure my digestive system doesn’t have to pull an all-nighter.
I can have a short nap early in the afternoon… hopefully. Research suggests 20-30 minutes is ideal. This makes me wonder why the snooze button on our alarm clock only gives us 9 minutes. Doesn’t seem like it is hardly enough, does it?
I’ve stopped drinking alcohol. I’ve noticed (and the research will tell you) alcohol decreases my deep and REM sleep and I need all the sleep I can get.
I think I’m going to stop taking CBD two hours before bedtime. Research is beginning to surface that daily use also impacts sleep. Why risk it?
I have recently learned more about breath-centered mindfulness practice from Raymond Prior’s book, Golf Beneath the Surface. A golf book??? I heard your disbelief ;) Yes, golf is the focus, but this book is actually filled with some rich knowledge about how our brains and minds work and how mindfulness gives us composure under pressure. I have already begun to incorporate this into my daily routine.
Why is this important? This practice is effective training for composure, or groundedness:
“Study after study shows that 5 to 8 minutes a day of breath-centred mindfulness training over a period of at least 30 days builds stronger and more efficient neural pathways in the brain to recognize bodily sensations and cognitive shifts and decreases the amount of cortisol released when we’re nervous. These are the building blocks of composure.” (p.54)
That is just to get me started.
A contemplative mindfulness practice offers me the opportunity to interact with my thoughts from a place of acceptance. Dr. Prior explains the research on these practices “clearly shows that 8 to 10 minutes a day just observing our inner experience with acceptance is the minimally effective dosage. Most research shows that the optimal dosage is 20 total minutes divided into two 10-minute practices that can be spaced apart according to preference.” (p.55)
I know this isn’t going to change overnight, but by building up my composure, I will change how my brain reacts in the middle of the night. Wait, didn’t I already deal with this? Well, I worked through a good chunk of this, and this is a journey which continues to reveal new insights. I’m not sure where this is taking me but I’m up for the ride. I just wish it would happen during the day!
In the middle of the night:
When I wake up in the middle of the night, there can be a multitude of reasons. There might be a loud noise or disturbance – externally created. More often than not, it is internally created.
I might need to engage my waste management system ;) I might be feeling anxious for some reason. (N.B. I’ve also learned that my anxiety is actually a fear-based emotion as opposed to my nerves). I might feel unwell or be in pain. I might just be awake for some unknown reason.
I have choices to make in this wakeful moment:
I can implement the RAIN approach, and/or
I can read an e-book in bed (because I don’t want to turn the light on and wake up my husband), and/or
I can get up and do what I need to do to ease my body.
Hopefully I can still get 7 to 8 hours of sleep. If not, I’ll keep this thought in mind: I’ve had less sleep before and survived. I will do it again.
Whether it is during the day, before bedtime or in the middle of the night, I now have a framework for thinking about quality sleep, one of the key ingredients for my well-being. I also now know what I need to to stop doing and what not to do.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to complete a breath-centered mindfulness practice.
Image: Tammy Brimner
