Givers & Takers
I can read a room pretty quickly. It is pretty easy to spot the energy givers and the energy takers. People are drawn to energy givers. We pull away and avoid energy takers. I used to think that people were just built that way – built to be takers or built to be givers. I did everything possible to remove those takers from my life. It was like I could feel them suck the energy right out of the room… and me. I wanted them far, far away from me!
I would later realize that life is not that simple.
Let me share a short story from an article by J.R. Moehringer called How Travis Kelce Manifested the Best Year of His Life in The Wall Street Journal:
“When Travis Kelce was a young man, his college football coach pulled him aside one day and told him the secret of life: Everybody you meet in this world is either a fountain or a drain.
“I need fountains,” the coach growled at Kelce. “I don’t need f–ing drains. Travis, you’re f–ing draaaining me!”
The advice left a deep impression. (“Changed his life,” says one of Kelce’s closest friends.) Yes, Kelce thought – you’re either a giver or the basic wellsprings of life or a thirsty taker. He vowed to be the former. In a world of gutters, be a geyser.”
Isn’t it so interesting to learn about how someone finds the agency to change their life for the better?
I had heard that same message previously from Haley Wickenheiser given during a MacKay CEO Forums webinar:
“You can be an energy giver or an energy taker. It’s up to you to decide.”
Those messages stuck in my head.
If it is a choice, then that changes everything. Because if it truly isn’t a choice, well, that just removes all hope for the energy takers.
I don’t think many of us think that it is a choice.
If you believe you have a choice, which one would you choose?
I think I can probably guess. Who would decide to be an energy taker?
But that just led to more questions for me.
Are we always either an energy giver or taker?
Let me use myself as an example.
If I am feeling secure and more like my best, then I can withstand a lot. In this space, I can recognize an energy taker, but I don’t let them take my energy away. On these good days, I can counter that “take” with a healthy dose of “give”.
But, if I am clearly not at my best, then there is a good chance I will let that person take my energy. I then need to find that energy someplace else. But then, doesn’t that make me an energy taker? Ugh!
I had to let that sink in. I don’t want to be an energy taker. But I also just said I let them take my energy.
Hmmm. Another choice to make, no?
I can choose to be an energy taker or an energy giver, and I can choose not to let those energy takers take my energy, unless I decide to give it away.
In those moments where I let someone take my energy, I clearly don’t have enough energy to hold onto it.
Now, we have a habit of being more understanding of ourselves when we make a poor decision – there is a perfectly good reason for why we behave the way we do that we don’t always think about when we are perhaps judging someone else’s behavior.
If I could give that generous understanding to someone else, I am in a better position to see their possibilities.
If someone else is an energy taker at this moment, then that must be because they are not getting what they need. If they were, they would have energy to give.
In my perfect world, I would always be the energy giver.
I don’t live in a perfect world though. If I know I am not at my best, then I want to be conscious of that choice, and take steps to avoid becoming the energy taker. That might mean spending some time alone, or staying in the background so to speak. Or being honest with those around me that I am feeling a little fragile so please take it easy on me and I’ll do my best not to take it out on you.
I will also choose to see an energy taker as someone filled with potential, with the hope they find their potential soon. I think we all deserve that.
So, tell me, are you an energy giver or an energy taker right now?
If you are an energy taker, what’s missing for you right now in your life? What steps can you take right now to fill those gaps? Who can you call? Where can you ground yourself? How can you lighten and brighten your thoughts?
If you are feeling like you can give freely, then I hope you give all that you can to others, without giving up all of yourself.
The world needs more of that, don’t you think?
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Image by Tammy Brimner
