If thoughts were flowers…
Ever since the age of the Victorians, we have been able to communicate through the language of flowers. I couldn’t help but look some up in my Forget-Me-Not: A Floral Treasury:
Afterthought – Michaelmas Daisy
Beauty – Rose
Comfort – Geranium
Cruelty – Stinging Nettle
Despair – Marigold
Envy – Bramble
Hatred – Basil
Uselessness – Meadowsweet
Given the size of this book, the flower language seems to cover the full range of human emotions!
It is not a big stretch for me to use this metaphor for talking about thoughts as flowers.
Stick with me here.
If thoughts were flowers, then I have the most abundant garden. It is filled with all sorts of flowers. There are some wild flowers, some freshly planted flowers, and some that are wilting and dying. There is a mix of perennial flowers and annual ones. You might call some of them beautiful, while others would be imperfect. There are flowers which never show their faces while others are beaming at the sun. From afar, this garden carries a certain beauty in its mix, but up close, I can see all of its flaws.
I would prefer to have a purely beautiful garden, wouldn’t you?
If my thoughts are flowers in a garden, then that makes me the gardener. It is my responsibility to care for that garden and ensure it has the best possible environment for it to grow and be as beautiful as possible. A real garden needs the right soil, light, temperature, water, humidity and nutrition. My garden has its own requirements.
Before I go further, let’s take a moment to remember where thoughts come from and where they lead to:
Previous experiences + core beliefs - perceptions - what I focus on => thoughts => feelings => behavior
My thoughts are very important and need the best possible environment for them to grow the most beautiful thoughts.
What would that look like? I have some ideas.
1) I am working to perceive my previous experiences in a more positive light overall. Negative thoughts about previous experiences are reframed as opportunities to better understand others and to look for learning for myself.
2) I am becoming more aware of my core beliefs and how they function. These beliefs are either positive, negative or neutral. Similar to habits, I would prefer to have positive or neutral beliefs.
The Therapist Aid provides a helpful overview of core beliefs: “Core beliefs are a person’s most central ideas about themselves, others, and the world. These beliefs act like a lens through which every situation and life experience is seen.”
It is important for me to know how many of my core beliefs were formed during childhood – and are a direct output from my personal experiences. And interestingly enough, they are not always positive nor accurate – because we are constantly aware of any dangers, perceived and real.
Upon reflection, I now see how my core beliefs shifted as I moved through life with new experiences and a growing awareness of what was important for me to be my most authentic self. Some core beliefs were exchanged for others, while others are like a nasty weed which won’t go away. Those weeds are more negative and rigid like helplessness, unlovability, and worthlessness.
All of this makes me think my little equation is actually a flowchart:
Previous experiences => core beliefs => perceptions => what I focus on => thoughts => feelings => behavior
I am in the process of ‘unlearning’ those negative core beliefs – at least the ones I have uncovered so far. That means these weeds are also in my garden!
3) I am becoming more mindful and learning to focus on what is in the present – looking for what is new. It is in this space where worry and regret can’t exist. This includes taking intentional breaks for my body and my mind. In this space, there are no requests, no words. Thoughts which come into view are acknowledged, and then allowed to float away.
4) I am surrounding myself with things which spark joy, and people who inspire and have my back. I am also intentionally seeking information which feeds my soul and sparks new connections. Because it’s not healthy to sit with my own thoughts for very long.
All of this contributes to the best possible environment for the flowers in my garden.
When I have the best possible environment for my flowers, then they can bloom in full and be as beautiful as they can be. When new flowers arrive, I can ensure they are given the care and attention they deserve (which might not be any at all depending on the flower – if you know what I mean!)
Now I am curious: how beautiful is your flower garden? Are you ready to take on the responsibility of being your own gardener?
Resources
Langer, Ellen. 2024. The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health. New York: Ballantine Group.
Prior, Raymond. 2023. Golf Beneath the Surface. Dallas, Texas: BenBella Books, Inc.
Todd, Pamela. 1993. Forget-Me-Not. A Floral Treasury: Sentiments & Plant Lore from the Language of Flowers. Toronto, Canada: Little, Brown and Company.
Zander, Rosamund. S., and Benjamin Zander. 2000. The Art of Possibility. Boston: Harvard Business School.
Image by Tammy Brimner
