Managing my spoons and beans
Counting beans
Energy.
Who doesn’t want more of that?
I know I definitely do.
No, I’m not talking to physicists. I’m talking about the energy we feel inside of us.
When I have energy, it feels heavenly. There is a bounce to my steps and lightness to my thoughts.
When I don’t, it feels like… well, that place sometimes we’re told to go by angry others. I become sluggish, my thoughts heavy, and the list goes on and on.
But where does my energy come from in the first place?
My energy comes from…
From moving my body. Like that feeling I get after a fun round of golf, a good workout on my bike or even a walk.
From the food I eat and the liquids I drink. My body provides immediate feedback on whether it is getting what it needs or not.
From the supplements my body needs to replenish. Like the hormone support I take for my thyroid and postmenopause.
From the people I connect with. Particularly those who connect with me on a deeper level, soul-to-soul.
From the rest I need. Like when I have a good sleep or take a few minutes for a breath-centered mindfulness practice.
From the spaces I inhabit. Like my home, walking through a forest or a garden, or exploring mountain trails.
From my inner experience. This is the conversation I have with myself that is supportive and compassionate.
From the work I do and how I do that work. Like when I get to follow my natural instincts in research and quick starting whatever needs quick starting.
If all the stars align, then I will have all the energy in the world – until I begin my descent back to dust.
If the stars don’t align, then I need to manage and conserve my energy. Why? Because something that would normally give energy is now seems to be taking my energy.
Sometimes it is because of a choice I made. Maybe I didn’t eat the right foods or I didn’t move the way my body needed. Maybe I didn’t rest my mind or my body enough. Maybe I spent too much time with negative thoughts or on activities or people that take too much energy.
Sometimes it is because unexpected things happen. Like falling off my bike last March which now might be the cause of my not yet healed brain. Like my body adapting (or not) to postmenopause and long COVID19. Or maybe there is something else going on that I haven’t figured out yet. Like something in my genes.
At the end of the day, this means I only have so much energy. The questions are then how do I manage and conserve that energy and how do I create more energy?
Today I’m going to focus on managing and conserving my energy.
As an introvert, I know I need to manage my energy. For example, dinner plans with friends or my husband’s clients in a noisy restaurant can be managed as long as I remain uncommitted the next morning and have time to recharge my batteries, so to speak. I’ve been doing this intentionally since 2020.
From my Kolbe A assessment, I have greater awareness of what constitutes my 100 “ergs” of mental energy. If I follow my natural instincts, I will use my “ergs” wisely. If I don’t, then I am wasting ergs or using up ergs too quickly.
An excerpt from my Kolbe A Assessment Report
But lately, I have been struggling with both physical and mental energy, and I have had to change my routine to conserve my energy. That means having to say “no” to most invitations or activities, and saying “yes” to more physical and mental rest.
I know I’m not the only one! Anyone living with one of 80 autoimmune diseases will be acutely aware – along with some who are neurodivergent and those who are temporarily ill or injured.
But what does that look like?
The best way I can describe this to you is to share two analogies. One might resonate more than the other.
First, let’s talk about spoons.
Have you ever heard of the Spoon Theory? It’s not actually a theory – just a really useful metaphor created by Christine Miserandino, who lives with a chronic illness. In short, Christine used spoons – yes, real spoons, to explain to her former college roommate how she only had a specific number of spoons to use in a day (as opposed to her friend’s “unlimited” supply of spoons). And each movement taken for granted by others, like having a shower or getting dressed, takes a spoon away. Her exercise demonstrated how those living with a chronic illness might plan their actions in advance in order to conserve their energy.
Now let’s talk about beans.
I watched Astrid, an Amazon Prime series in French, whose main character is neurodivergent. She works in criminal records and helps solve crimes with the detectives. She attends a social skills group for people living on the autism spectrum. In one particular episode, her “Achilles heel”, hyperacusis, helps solve a murder case, but at great cost to her overall well-being. The leader of the group takes her aside and hands her ten beans. He explains how certain activities take beans away, and she only has what is left to make it through the day. In the following episodes, I watched as Astrid found herself in unexpected situations with a lot of noise and activity which depleted her beans. For Astrid, a complete loss of beans resulted in a full blown system shutdown. She needed to retreat to the solitude of her criminal records department or her home to replenish her beans.
By knowing how best to use my available energy, I can be more intentional in my choices and more understanding of my energy needs – and how many spoons or beans I have left in the day. That kind of knowledge helps me further fortify my lifeboat. That’s a good thing!
Now I need to get back to growing the number of my spoons and beans…
Image created by Canva Magic Media
