Reflecting on my Natural Preferences
A marina near Vanier Park captured during a cyclocross race in September
I have been thinking a lot about my personal lifeboat and what my lifeboat is made of and how I keep it afloat.
My lifeboat is definitely filled with all the things I have learned about myself, through various experiences and assessments, along with my reflections on all of those things.
I’ve lived for over half a century, so I have plenty to consider ;)
I am going to start with the beginning of my adult life, where I was living blissfully unaware of most things.
Like everyone around me at the time, I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I showed up as an ENFJ – the code for my natural preferences. Here is what the code stands for:
Extroversion: Gets energy from the outer world of people and experiences. Focuses energy and attention outwards in action.
Intuition: Prefers information coming from associations. Focuses on possibilities and what might be.
Feeling: Steps into situations to weigh human values and motives. Prefers to make decisions on the basis of values.
Judging: Prefers to live life in a planned and organized manner. Enjoys coming to closure and making a decision.
I actually thought I was extroverted for the longest time… until I saw Susan Cain speak in 2019 at a conference. Everything she spoke about being an introvert resonated with me completely.
I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator again and INFP was the result.
Here is what changed:
Introversion (vs Extroversion): Gets energy from the inner world of reflections and thoughts. Focuses energy and attention inwards in reflection.
Perceiving (vs Judging): Prefers to live life in a spontaneous and adaptable way. Enjoys keeping options open.
Let me walk you through the changes.
There were signs of introversion along the way as I looked back.
I used to read a lot when I was a kid. I would say good night, turn off the light, and sneak into my bedroom closet with a lamp to read the latest Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys book from the library. I started taking the lamp shade off to shed more light on the story until a less than mindful moment burned a warning into my arm. Needless to say, I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore.
During college, I would come home for long weekends and hide in my room, working on a craft or sewing project, decompressing from the socially active college life. I did enjoy the studying and researching part though.
At work, I remember listening to a colleague talk about how she needed half a day to recover after giving a presentation and thinking that sounded like a really good idea because I was always exhausted after every presentation I gave.
When I left UBC as my employer of over twenty-five years, it took me two months to decompress. That is a long time to be in a working environment which drains my energy regularly, right?
The switch from judging to perceiving is more a reflection of my personal growth and the influence of my extroverted husband, I think.
I grew up in an environment infused with a strong sense of right and wrong, where wrong was regularly called out and looked down upon. I would make pointed statements which were filled with judgment on a regular basis. It’s actually amazing I had any friends!
I wasn’t long into my working career where I found the spirit of the law to be more fitting than taking the law at its word. This became apparent when my former manager came back from an extended leave as my peer with a portfolio split between us. One of her clients would call for assistance, and my colleague would provide them the black and white version. They would channel their dissatisfaction toward me, and I would find them comfort in the gray. I was too naive to see how I was backstabbing my colleague while appeasing our client and how challenging our working environment would be for her now being my peer.
I think spending thirty-five years with my husband and best friend has had a direct influence on me. Because of him, I see more of the world and stay socially active.
Today I love the flexibility I have. I actually believe I need this in my life to be at my best. I don’t like to be hemmed in so I can adapt to whatever situation I find myself in.
What have I learned from this reflection?
Assessments are not written in stone and only reflect the level of awareness you have at that time. They do provide feedback, however, to consider, like sign posts saying “Look a little closer!”
I do wish I had known I was an introvert earlier in life. Better late than never, I guess. Now I plan recovery days after those socially active days with my husband.
It is interesting how feelings and intuition have been consistent in my life. Perhaps my seeking the gray in black and white situations is more about making decisions based on values. And embracing my life as a writer just makes sense!
Building a personal lifeboat takes time but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. My world is better when I can stay afloat and make better decisions to keep me at my best.
