Ultimately hopeless?

What my skull and brain actually look like

Last Sunday evening, I was finishing my shower and was applying the necessary force to shut off the taps. They always needed more than the average tap. However, the handle of the cold water tap gave way in my hand and in an instant, my body propelled forward – throwing my head against the wall. I could feel my small brain bounce off the front of my skull. My head immediately began to ache… and then my heart began to ache.

I later chuckled to myself about the idiom “to bang one’s head against the wall”, I realized my body is probably the one thinking of this futility:

To attempt continuously and fruitlessly to accomplish some task or achieve some goal that is or seems ultimately hopeless.

To my body, I might be or seem ultimately hopeless. Ha ha!

What happened next?

Fortuitously, I had already booked a concussion assessment with a physical therapist two days later. This therapist began the assessment, but stopped when he realized I needed to heal my whiplash first.

I’m once again relying on my personal health team. In addition to my physical therapist, I have massage therapists, a chiropractor, an osteopath who does craniosacral therapy, a naturopathic doctor, and my family doctor all guiding me down a path to well-being.

What have I learned from the past few weeks?

1) The medical system is primed to identify diseases already in existence, not to identify the signs of its pending arrival. Dr. Peter Attia wrote about this in his book Outlive:

Yet mainstream medicine still insists on waiting until the point of diagnosis before we intervene.

I have the perfect example right now:

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was 20 years old. I was automatically prescribed daily medication and would have regular blood tests to ensure my thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) levels were optimal. I started working with naturopaths in 2013 and learned there was more to learn about my thyroid health beyond TSH levels. In the past year, I had a locum family doctor who provided me with a lab requisition to test my broader thyroid function as well and the lab report came back with this disturbing message:

The FT4 and FT3 orders were cancelled as per BC Guidelines.

Perhaps the guidelines needed to be clarified – they will conduct the broader tests as long as I pay for it. And pay for it I did (again).

A new naturopath ordered the broader thyroid function and guess what she told me!

I am on the cusp of an autoimmune thyroid condition.

At least someone is paying attention.

I am now awaiting the additional supplements and vitamins she believes will bring me back to well-being.

2) The world of medical and health knowledge is constantly changing and growing. Case in point: the concussion guidelines I received in 2022 are now being updated with the following changes: I no longer need to subject myself to 48 hours of darkness and I need to stay physically active. I still need to manage my screen time and rest during the onset.

I heard the following a few months ago which further validates this position:

David Sackett, the father of evidence-based medicine once famously said: “half of what you’ll learn in medical school will be shown to be either dead wrong or out of date within five years of your graduation; the trouble is that nobody can tell you which half – so the most important thing to learn is how to learn on your own.

3) If I don’t listen to my body, my body will continue to scream at me until I do listen. Case in point: Ever since my bike threw me off in March 2023, I didn’t recognize the full extent of my injuries. We have a funny way of only paying attention to what gives us the most pain in the moment. As the months have progressed, I have found myself increasingly sensitive to noise, quick irritation when in an environment not suited for me, finding it hard to concentrate, finding it hard to problem solve, and my ever present fatigue. Add to that the post-exercise malaise since Covid-19. By the time I got whiplash and hit my head in the shower, my body was literally screaming at me. I am listening now!

4) I need (and I’m finding) health practitioners who look at me holistically.

I spoke to the family doctor covering for my own doctor who was the first physician to mention whole foods and resistance training in addition to meditation and mindfulness. She had recently moved to Vancouver and started working at Lifestyle Rx where doctors help reverse Diabetes Type 2 in patients focusing on lifestyle.

I found a chiropractor who looks at each patient through the lens of complex systems theory and seeks out the things which are interconnected.

I also found an osteopath who also does craniosacral therapy who was originally trained as a physician. I had my first treatment on Wednesday and I have become a big fan of this approach. The benefits are significant.

5) The benefit of long term relationships with any health practitioner is how they will hopefully see the pattern changes in my behavior and my body. However, sometimes we need someone new to ask different questions which help us identify those patterns. It was one visit with a new naturopath on April 16th which uncovered the possibility my brain is still healing (and subsequently the need to ward off an autoimmune disease). That allowed a different lens for me to consider if that suggestion made sense – and it did! Now I understand why I have subsequently pulled back from the things I used to love and struggled with keeping commitments.

6) There is nothing like a bit of a crisis to focus on breaking another bad habit. I have been overly reliant on my phone for the past year. Luckily, author Dr. Faye Begeti is teaching me some interesting things about habit formation and why they can be supportive, contradictory or neutral to our goals. Because of her, I’m learning to listen to what my body and my mind is telling me when I reach for my phone. Am I feeling restless? Uncomfortable? Sad? Am I attempting to procrastinate a challenging task?

7) I can only learn from the past, focus on the present and do my best to plan for the future. I recently bought another Passion Planner to bridge the gap between the end of June of my current academic year planner and the start of the next year — I’m hoping I can wrangle a two for one deal for 2025. I found it quite an intriguing process to have a “fresh start” where lists could be refined and calendars updated. And the past is safely stored.

Maybe I love finding the silver lining when things go sideways for me. Or maybe this is just my way of adapting to an unfortunate situation. Either way, it makes me feel like there is hope for what otherwise be considered “ultimately hopeless”.

Resource Notes

I have just started reading Outlive: The Science & Art of Longevity by Dr. Peter Attia (2023). The quote is from page 13.

I am working my way through The Phone Fix by Dr. Faye Begeti (2024). These particular questions are found in her Surf the Urge section.

Image: My screenshot of an MRI video of my brain taken in 2023 during a research study on memory loss post-concussion.