There’s a new kid in town
Friday was a day of high stress!
Habits. The things I do without thinking — or without having to think. They are managed by my autopilot.
This autopilot takes the load off my executive function. It takes a lot of energy and a lot of time to stay focused, plan ahead, make decisions and regulate my emotions. My executive function (currently unnamed) delegates some tasks to the autopilot.
It is the same autopilot which is constantly scanning the environment for danger – danger to my body’s well-being as well as, Resmaa Menakem posits, any “threat to what we do, say, think, care about, believe in, or yearn for." That is a lot to worry about!
This autopilot now has a name: Sullivan. I call her Sully for short. She’s the new kid in town. (She was actually the physiological reason behind Amy, Frank and Harry moving from my high performing security team to my anxious security team. Technically, she’s not new — just new to me. Luckily, this team is functioning quite well now!)
Whenever Sully senses danger, she sends out warning signals throughout my body. Maybe you know these already? Butterflies in the stomach. Arms and legs lit up. Hearts beat faster and heavier. Breath quickens. Skin feels hot.
If Sully has her way, I will be ready to take immediate action.
But what action will I take?
That depends on my habits. Approximately 40% of my daily actions are habits – so there are quite a few to choose from. Some habits are supportive. Some are neutral. And the rest are contradictory.
Supportive or contradictory to what? You might ask.
The “what” are my goals.
In my perfect world, I would be like those superheroes who stay calm under pressure, always strong enough to do the right thing, always kind enough to say the right thing, always available to help others, always healthy and fit – and always looking the part.
Those are some of my goals.
Do all of my habits support these goals? Certainly not!
Some habits either work against my goal or do absolutely nothing.
Which habits do I want Sully to choose? The supportive ones, of course. I would even accept neutral ones.
Sadly, Sully is never known for careful reasoning or rational thought though – she just goes with what I have always done before… as long as it is the safest, the most comfortable, the most certain and the least risky in the present moment – and she will do so in the equivalent of over 260 miles per hour, according to Dr. Begeti.
If this is a new situation, Dr. Begeti states there is a good chance Sully will act impulsively, clearly focused on short-term rewards. And there is little hope for supportive goals at this point unless…
Unless what?
Unless, according to Dr. Prior, I train my mind to make my brain’s neural connections and pathways adapt to what I train my mind to do.
What does that even look like?
I can change how I think about my previous experiences, my core beliefs, including my personal values, by staying in the present and watching what I focus on. This, in essence, according to Dr. Prior, is my psychological framework.
It’s in my best interest to work on my psychological framework and develop more supportive habits, while also working on eliminating or diminishing those contradictory habits. Actually, I need to continue identifying all of those habits before I can do anything about them.
Easier said than done, right? Guaranteed!
I think it is worth the effort though.
The more I stay grounded in the moment, the more aware I become of those contradictory habits and work to replace them with supportive habits. For example, I am working on changing my daily practice to start with the power of anticipation and end with intentional gratitude. I am working hard to change the stories I tell myself (and others) about my previous experiences. I am unpacking my core beliefs to see what is supportive of my goals and what is not. I am engaging in breath-centered mindfulness practice. I even incorporated mindfulness into my golf swing.
Is it working? I would say so.
The perfect test was last Friday evening when our vehicle was sideswiped by another, leaving us both with whiplash. My husband was driving and he kept his head long enough to get us moved off the highway to a safer location. My initial reaction was to yell the name my mother told me never to use in vain. Then I focused on staying awake to support my husband who spoke with the driver of the other vehicle and had her move off the highway near us. I stayed relatively calm in spite of the exhaustion I was fighting at 10.40pm and knowing my stress levels had been high all day. Sure, there were moments of “did we really need something else right now?” but for the most part, I kept my head and did the right things.
The irony is that I had just published my well-being checklist earlier that day so at least I had a framework to rely on.
My goal is to improve the relationship I have with Sully. I know she means well and has my safety in mind. For that, I am grateful. I also have the responsibility to make her life easier too.
I clearly have a lot of work to do. I just know it is going to help me fortify my lifeboat even further.
Resources:
Golf Beneath the Surface by Raymond Prior (pp. 26, 30 40 & 44)
The Phone Fix by Faye Begeti (pp.36, 42)
My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem (p. 53)
Image: Screenshot of my Oura ring data
