Boxes

Let’s talk about boxes.

For me, boxes are another way to think about the names and labels we put on people, particularly when we're talking about gender, race, mental illness, and even our jobs.

When I think about a box, particularly one that doesn't fit or wasn't built for me, I think about how restricting that feels. It might be uncomfortable, maybe even hurt to move. Our breathing might be restricted. Our ability to see, hampered.

I've been thinking a lot about boxes lately and there are a couple of insights I'd like to share with you which meant a lot to me.

The first insight came from looking at my own experiences and behaviours which were different from others and wondering if there was a box that I might fit into. I did some research and I found one that I think fits. At that moment, it struck me that the big thing for me was that I got to choose that box. It wasn't because somebody else put me into a box. That was key.

The second insight comes from a rich conversation I had with a friend who is a clinical educator in a hospital setting who is working to reduce stigma.

There were two things that she shared with me that really resonated.

The first was how they are teaching people in the hospital, especially at the front lines in a non-emergent situation, to spend 10 or 15 minutes with a patient up front to hear their story, to listen to how they talk about their experience or feelings before they jump to any prescription or diagnosis. This is similar to the practice I recommended in Engagement Rings.

The second thing that she shared with me was the biggest insight for me.

We should describe the box and never define the person as the box.

Let me share an example with you that she gave me.

So say you have an uncle and maybe you have called that uncle an alcoholic for a long time. But wouldn't it be better if we talked about our uncle who was living with alcoholism or maybe dealing with alcoholism?

Do you see what the difference is there?

Do you see how when we talk about our uncle we retain their dignity and humanity?

I just think this would be so much better for all of us, for our family, our friends, our colleagues, and members of our community.

And that to me is the big challenge for all of us.

Photo: Tammy Brimner/TLBVelo Photography