Where to find well-being
I have been searching for well-being for a long time. Throughout my life, there have been glimmers here and there where I experienced this, and I was keen to make it more of a constant. Employers are attempting to bring well-being into the workplace although few are succeeding. While I wish every leader would make well-being a priority for their team, I think this can only happen when we find well-being for ourselves.
The most holistic approach to well-being came from a book I read last year called The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Trauma and Adversity by Nadine Burke-Harris. Dr. Burke Harris is a Canadian-American paediatrician (born in Vancouver!) who was the Surgeon General of California between 2019 and 2022.
Burke Harris identified six key activities which create balance and benefit wellbeing, as well as healing from toxic stress: quality sleep, healthy relationships, exercise, nutrition, mindfulness, and mental health.
I want to explore these six key activities further because when we know what we need to be at our best, we are in a better position to think of the practices and habits we need to have in our lives to stay balanced. As I explored these, I began to see how some of these activities are beneficial for more than one activity. For example, quality sleep is important for mental health and healthy relationships. Exercise is also important for quality sleep, healthy relationships, and mental health.
Let’s look at some strategies for supporting these key activities — and our well-being.
Quality Sleep
We all crave a good night’s sleep and that feeling of waking up refreshed. We crave it because we don’t always get it. Sometimes it isn’t long enough. Sometimes it isn’t good enough. Sometimes it is neither long nor good. When that happens, I remember a helpful phrase that went something like this: “You’ve survived a short night before. You can do it again.” While this helps on one hand, I would rather work on creating a better environment for quality sleep.
Some helpful strategies I have used include the following:
Buffer zones: Buffer zones are the 30-60-minute window before you fall asleep where you stop doing some things while start doing others in order to create a buffer. For example, you would stop looking at a screen (turn off the TV and computer and put your phone away) and dim the lights. You would then focus on activities that calm your mind and body such as journaling, restorative yoga, stretching, breathing exercises, meditation and/or reading a book – a book you hold in your hand and physically turn the pages.
Journaling: Daniel Siegel speaks of the “power of integration” through “immersion in direct experience”. He references the importance of journaling on top of physical activity and mindfulness practices. These activities allow your system to integrate and stay in balance.
“When differentiation is blocked, integration cannot occur. Without the movement toward integration, the entire system moves away from complexity – away from harmony – and into rigidity.”
Daniel Siegel (1)
Breathing exercises are a wonderful way of grounding yourself. There are two exercises which I use regularly and require practice:
This breathing exercise involves breathing deeply into your belly, your rib cage and upper chest at different intervals and then exhaling.
Inhale for 4 seconds
Hold your lungs full for 4 seconds
Exhale for 4 seconds
Hold your lungs empty for 4 seconds
Repeat
Sleep aids: CBD/CBN has been a staple in our household for the past year or two. It aids both sleep and pain relief.
Healthy Relationships
My husband told me about a tweet he saw which reminded people to get their thyroid tested before ending a relationship or seeking counselling. It made me chuckle a bit as I have been taking a pill every day since I was 20 when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. This has to be checked at least annually but also anytime when I can feel exhaustion creep back into my day and I find it hard to wake up. With exhaustion comes high emotions and reduced resilience which is not great for healthy relationships!
But healthy relationships are important all through our lives — from the time we are born until the last stage of our lives.
The people who were happiest, who stayed healthiest as they grew old, and who lived the longest were the people who had the warmest connections with other people.
This quote from the McKinsey & Company’s Author Talks with Harvard study director Robert Waldinger really brings this point home.
We have worked hard to weed out the negative influences in our lives and to cultivate friendships with those that support us and make us better human beings.
Physical Exercise
While working full-time, I found it incredibly challenging to engage in physical activity — apart from walking to meetings or lunch time strolls and golf on the weekends. It was ten years ago when I was encouraged by a counsellor to engage in 10 minutes of cardio every day. I can’t say that lasted but I increased my awareness around staying active. Over time, I have added cycling — both indoor (a big fan of our Wahoo Kickr bike) and outdoors — and hiking. I also use an Oura ring which gives me reminders to keep moving throughout the day (as well as data about the quality of my sleep!).
If you don’t believe me, then check out the 24-Hour Movement Guidelines for different age categories.
I have just connected with a personal trainer to add more accountability and expertise to my activities. I also just finished Dr. Stacy T. Sim’s book entitled Next Level, which has helped me learn more about women’s health, athletes and menopause. I am thrilled that this personal trainer is also reading the same book. Why? Because how we train is different when we reach menopause!
Nutrition
When we get busy, we often find it hard to eat properly. Maybe you are reliant on your executive assistant. Maybe your partner prepares lunch for you. You might even do this yourself.
If you are like me, you have a habit of eating whatever is available. I started working with a nutritionist last year who helped me see the benefits of having healthier food options in the house. That way, it is easier to get into the habit of eating better.
Nutrition is also key for physical and mental exercise — it is hard to train when our bodies need food.
Maybe it is because I am ready to hear it, but the Canada Food Guide is starting to make sense!
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about mind-body awareness. With this awareness comes self-management. Self-management brings well-being. Knowing this, I make a daily commitment to myself to be mindful.
I took a Mindfulness at Work program while at UBC. The instructor of this program created Mindwell and offers a great Take 5 Exercise. Research abounds to support the benefits of mindfulness.
Other exercises like yoga, tai-chi, qigong, rhythmic drumming, aikido, judo, tae kwon do, kendo, jujitsu, and capoeira are all great activities for cultivating mindfulness and well-being.
It takes focus and energy to be mindful which is why it is near impossible to do this all the time. However, we should strive to be mindful for the important moments — spending time with loved ones, crossing an intersection while walking, cycling or driving, meeting with your team or your boss — you get the picture!
Mental Health
When I think about well-being, I often think foremost about my mental health. I used to laugh at a description of a Cancer sign as someone who goes from ecstasy to misery in 0 to 60 — because it used to describe me perfectly. I began to realize how unbalanced I felt when that happened. I became intrigued by the power of our minds to change and I began to focus on what I could change through mindfulness and meditation. There is a history of mental instability in my family so I knew I needed to do things differently. I consider this to be mental exercise — to balance out our physical exercise.
Another huge contributor to my mental health was recognizing I was an introvert after listening to Susan Cain present at a conference. I then read her book Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking and it changed my world. I began to learn more about what I needed to be at my best.
I was also impacted by another book I read by David Epstein called Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World.
I was struggling with identifying who I was because I didn’t fit into any one particular box. This book helped me realized I need to build my own “box”.
All of this contributes to my mental health, along with physical exercise, nutrition, quality sleep and healthy relationships.
Can you see how these activities can help you keep you balanced and create well-being? These are choices you can make.
Now, if you’re planning to adopt some new habits to support your well-being, I found James Clear’s Atomic habits: an easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones an excellent resource. You can learn about how important your environment is and the role of family and friends … and maybe even your team members in supporting these new habits.
To close, just imagine what a better world we could create if we all had quality sleep, healthy relationships, exercise, nutrition, mindfulness, and mental health. That’s my dream for all of us.
Other resources:
(1) Siegel, Daniel J. 2010. Mindsight: the new science of personal transformation. New York, NY: Bantam Books. p.177 of 712.
Photo by Tammy Brimner/TLBVelo Photography
